| Saturday, May 24th, 2003 |
| 1:34 pm |
do do do do. so only four more weeks until school is out. finally, summer and then college. good times. oo ooo..good times with play station 2..yay. fun times. oh and prom is coming up....it should be fun i guess..with my asian. hhehehe. Current Mood:  awake |
| Saturday, March 15th, 2003 |
| 12:58 pm |
The morning after
fun times last night. very eventful.good times but some times I wish hadn't happened. eh, I guess I only like to be with people who I like..makes sense to me at least. well either way it was a good night. i have enviro. to study for..great..lol... i'm starting to wonder how donnie is taking this college thing...i don't know. I think he worries but he hasn't said anything..it's just more when I bring it up by talking about deciding and what not. tour is coming up so i can't wait. should be really fun but I don't want to deal with al's b.s.. fuck...oh well... Current Mood:  mellow |
| Wednesday, March 5th, 2003 |
| 9:22 pm |
hope you read this lynly
long time since my last posting...a lot sure has happened. I found a boy who is great with me, who doesn't fail me, and who loves me. totally kickass.lol. it's crazy though, we ran into hmm..an ex of his i guess is the best way to say it. i hate being jealous but seriously there are somethings that i can't back down on. hahaha..i'm like a pit bull or something when it comes to these things;just growling at that bitch..haha..i don't even feel bad about it...it feels justified. even if it isn't. let us see. buddy is back but i haven't hung out with him since he left. i feel bad for that but it's hard to say but i'm sort of cutting my strings at this point. he's a good person but i can't afford to get attached more than i have to to anyone b/c i'm leaving soon....it's hard enough with the few people i know. i'm goiung to orange this weekend. yay! i haven't seen them since christmas i think...it's time..about 3 months...well...off to chat... Current Mood: amused |
| Monday, October 14th, 2002 |
| 5:15 pm |
I haven't written in such a long time. haha. oh well. let us see. this past week has been busy. I'm driving now so i can do a lot. last friday was bad...i mean it was really good until my parents came.lol. fuck, embarassing times in front of parents. buddy moved to AZ. that was the big thing this week. I'm sorry to see him go. but at least he'll be back in 15 weeks. i never realized how much I like having him around. I mean I just never realized that he had such a big impact on my life. Cuz we were always friends but we never hung out but despite that we're pretty good friends. I saw him everyday since wendesday. it's funny though that as he's leaving i find out he lives right down the street from me. that sucks. haha. I miss him a lot. I don't think i could ever tell him how much I was into him since the first time I met him but it's okay. he'll be back..i just keep telling myself that astrid and i went to norht hollywood this weekend and shopped for homecoming stuff..it was awesome..lol..we're going to look so good :) life is good right now..so bittersweet. so high school. so complete... Current Mood: calm |
| Sunday, October 6th, 2002 |
| 10:15 pm |
so what is there to say. i drove down sat. to orange to go to the comp. it was lindsey's birthday so i had to go down and hang with my homie.haha. i was totally reminded how I don't have my little nook anymore. especially with rucinda's class graduated there is no one really there for me. it's kind of lonely but it was great to see everyone. there is so much stuff i don't know that it's hard. we went to see sweet home alabama. haha..that will be the 5 of us next summer in alabama... i'm starting to ache..every now and then i remember that despite my need to help suffering and the inhumanity i see every day, that despite this, i still need someone in my life. i hate how people say 'you shouldn't need a man' and yes that is true on a superficial level but i think everyone needs in some primal sense a companion who is there for you always. but i guess everything is fine...although i'm upset with my dad. we were doing really great and then he just totally pissed me off by saying something in front of a friend of ours..it made me so mad that he said it..god..it ruined the entire high we had. we were soo good and he just had to go and do that. i dont' understand why says or does things he does. i mean how can he expect me to be close with him when he randomly attacks me..i mean i'm not going to let myself be defenseless my entire life...god..fuck my life.. i need someone |
| Saturday, September 28th, 2002 |
| 1:46 pm |
Happy b-day Chris
I'm connected to the world again.haha. it's crazy..going a week w/o internet. my b-day was fun. not amazing but i didn't really care too much. astrid came over and that was fun. band is the same.blah.... homecoming is coming up..i'm going but i'm not sure if i'll go with a guy. hmm..dan ought to take his 'girl' since she's probably reading this and i'm all weirded out now.hahaha..strange...strangers reading this.. i'm so spaced out i dont' even have anythign to elaborate on....oh but thanks randy and cinda..i was all happy to hear your happy b-day's to me even if they were long distance. |
| Thursday, September 19th, 2002 |
| 10:30 pm |
pretty uneventful. class was boring but we did make pasta! mmmm!! i'm going to get fat in that class if i don't watch out. band is cool. randy went up to college today :( and faiza came today although i didn't get much of a chance to talk to her. tomorrow is our first game! yay..fun times i've been packing all night. fun times...i can't wait to move...i'm tired.. Current Mood:  tired |
| Wednesday, September 18th, 2002 |
| 10:15 pm |
so in love
One thing I understand about myself is that I'm messed up. at this point in my life I'm needing understanding and love. and I love all my guy friends but I know if I were to go out with them or whatever it would ruin everything. it's hard for me to have a good friendship and so much easier to just 'go out'. So when someone goes and tells me his feelings i take it seriously. and although i'm not going to take them up on their offer my heart still tugs towards that innocence of pure emotion. And so despite my decision I get hurt b/c these guys get over it in two seconds and hook up with someone else. it's just that when i tell someone how i feel about them i truly feel that way and i'll usually always have that. but when guys just turn around and start making out with girls and stuff i just feel like i was another girl who caught there eye. maybe it's arrogant of me to thing i'm worthy of guys falling in love with me. I just don't want to be a cheap thrill. I've had that rep. unjustly too. I wish sometimes i could wear my heart on my sleeve so that everyone could know how messed up i am. i shouldn't care. i should say 'good, that proves he didn't really like me and it's better i didn't go out with him' but instead i feel lonely and betrayed. i dont 'even have the right to. I'm so fucked up.... |
| Tuesday, September 17th, 2002 |
| 6:28 pm |
today was interesting. It was an easy day academically so that was a major plus. It was cool today. Randomly dan took off on the way to 5th to talk to his ex. i guess he had some pressing news or something. I didn't disturb him since he obviously needed to do some talking. oh well... I feel really bad for leon. I wish he'd be alright. I can't really do anything for him. Everyone is kind of bad right now but I must admit I'm well. I hung out with randy today! yay! i love it! it was so nice seeing him. i reallly miss everyone. I saw tina today too and it was so great. I'm talking to chris now..talking my berk friend..whatever!!!!!! you'll always be our crazy mooning chris where ever you go. hahahaha |
| Sunday, September 15th, 2002 |
| 9:38 pm |
dooby dooby do..i slept all day..it was sooo great. tomorrow is free b/c of a jewish holiday.yay...everyone go see buffalo '66.. great movie! ahh! we're moving soon! hoo-ray! lovely.. i talked to ru-ru today..fun times.. l Current Mood: sleepy |
| Saturday, September 14th, 2002 |
| 12:31 pm |
I haven't written all week..been too busy..haha actually more like too tired. my classes are pretty awesome..i think the only one i truly don't like is ap stats and that is only cuz the teacher is a jerk but the people are cool. band is awesome as well. it's like living in a soap opera and i guess it keeps it somewhat interesting. i can't wait till friday!!! i'm taking my driving test and it's our first homegame! yay. but wednesday i went to this silent march. it was so great. knowing that people out there care...i mean how can you oppose a peace march. people think we're recreating the 60's but the truth is we're not b/c back then they weren't broken yet by the reality of the govt. and we are..but we're tryign to do it anyway...i dont' know ...maybe it is the same..either way i love it... so we had a band party last night. astrid and i danced..and then of course others joined..it was pretty great. i loved it. although of course there are some down things to a party but i was in all in all a good night. ........by the way......i miss you all.......everyone in oc..in berkley..humbolt...granada...everyone..l ove you guys Current Mood: mellow |
| Monday, September 9th, 2002 |
| 7:27 pm |
whoo-hoo
man tomorrow is going to be great!! yay for banked tuesdays. i dont' know..i like 'em cuz it's like..hay! early!!!! i'm getting all nervous and such about college..!! ahaha.. but yes..one thing on my mind is..well..hmm...it goes like this... you know the typical 'i'm gunna ditch my friends for my g/f or b/f'? not that no one hasn't gone thru it or done it. i sure have..both the vice and the versa..haha..anyway..i dont'know..i hate it to the extreme that people will just stop listening to you all together or just ditch you or something for that girl. it's like..wow.true friendship..and as much as i understand that people want to be with their 'beloved's' i just wish someone could be like 'hey i'm not gunna walk with you' or 'hey i'm gunna go talk to someone' but god its' annoying when they just up-and-leave.c'est la vie. it's not even so much the action of it that bothers me.i think it's that i get sad when people don't learn..or dont' see thru the mirror to the other side. not saying i can see clearly..but sometimes i do wonder why people pretend not to see the relative truth...relative..b/c no absolute truth exists..yes anyway cinda called. it was cool. although i spent more time listening to her talk to her roomie's then actually talking to her..well..untrue..more like half. :( oh well. she's still my bud..hahaa..bud well homecoming is coming up..i only bring it up b/c these girls in my foods class were talking about it. i think i'll go with astrid..well make her go with me if i don't find a guy to go with..lol..which will probably end up happening..gotta love dancing. baaaa....˙ Current Mood: thinking |
| Sunday, September 8th, 2002 |
| 7:50 pm |
angry
fuck...you know..i know i fucked up..that my gpa isn't what it used to be. but for fucking christ..it's higher than most. fuck...it's like...i dont' need his guilt on my back over my gpa. i mean for fuckig crying out loud i have more on self then most people have all four years. and the worst part is that my gpa isn't bad. it's just not 4.0 anymore. i'm tired of his fucking patonizing..i think that's the correct wrod.haha..fuck it though..i made myself a promise..that is all that willl ever count. |
| Saturday, September 7th, 2002 |
| 12:19 am |
so end of the first week of school. It seems to have been a long time... Class is okay but really..i'm waiting till the road trip and college. I'm really really into my friends right now... I'm sort of going to steal dan's idea and do a 'friend of the day' or something... today is dan jacobs. See dan always cheers me up. gives me the affection i need from friends b/c granada people are very anti-touchy-feely. not that i'm like 'hey let's make-out' but it's nice to hug and just be pals.haha pals. so anyway. with dan it doens't feel slutty although he did grab my tushy! haha..yes dan that is right. no but it's great to joke around and just be easy going. I look forward to seeing him b/c usually my day is a lot better just talking to him b/c he's not the kind of friend that talks to you b/c you're there but more b/c he actually wants to be your friend. although i think i bother him too much with my 'nick'-tellings.haha i hope he doesn't read that. but anyway he is soo awesome....if i have no hope left for the world the i can always count on my friends to be beautiful and full of life...sounds cheesy but ya.. but that's it..it was generally a decent week but seeing that great movie made it better! yay. i cried.haha. i got all chokedup b/c i didn't want to cry cuz i've only seen it millions of times and you'd think i'd get over it..but no..crying has some weird relief..i mean when does a person learn that emotional overload can be released thru tears. doens't make sense if you think about it..but maybe it does..well it's late{ Current Mood:  pensive |
| Thursday, September 5th, 2002 |
| 5:45 pm |
ahhhh!!!! headache. well school has started. yippee! stats is okay but the teacher is oo..blah...kind of a jerk. oh well. band is great cept we have practice 4 times a week. what bull! english is cool. yay. enviromental is awesome and i have the class with leon. how fun. i'm pretty tired thoughl. i can't wait till thanksgiving..then x-mas..then graduation!!!!!!!! hahaha. yay. me be jammin' sooooo many cute guys..i watn them all!!!!!! damn..oh well...... Current Mood: tired |
| Monday, September 2nd, 2002 |
| 8:49 pm |
today was pretty uneventful. I'm still pretty sick and when we went to Ralph's I was coughing everywhere and I think I might have grossed people out by doing in the food store. makes sense but hey..oh well. it's been pretty cool all summer,weather wise, but for some strange reason it has been really hot these last couple of days. strange but I thought it gets colder in the fall. i'm talkign to chris..yay..i miss him a lot...i can't wait till he comes down. until then though..i'll keep packing up my stuff..i can't wait to move though... Current Mood: sick |
| Sunday, September 1st, 2002 |
| 9:41 pm |
sick...
blah..so i went to the beach with simon and it was fun and all but i think the coldness got me sick. i had my driving at like 8:00 this morning..damn it sucked..and that didnt' do to well for the fever..lol. but i drove all the way home and such without feeling too band although no a/c sucks.haha i got my ear pierced in the upper corner of my left ear..wow..exciting ain't it. everyone ought to read 'ismael' it is soooo sooo great Current Mood: tired |
| Friday, August 30th, 2002 |
| 9:42 pm |
band bbq
so today was the band bbq. i had slept over at astrid's house the night before and it was great. we did a lot of bonding. we watched this movie 'to wong foo. thanks for everything'..it was great. haha very astrid and me. band was cool. i saw krisha! and mark and jason and chris and rae and a bunch of people. it was cool..oh and faiza..lol..i knew i left someout there for a sec. but ya it was soo great to seem them all. i wish leon and dan and dan would realize how much i want their friendship..or a better one at that.lol..but oh well...it was an okay day..but cidna did email so that was soooo an upper for me Current Mood: content |
| Wednesday, August 28th, 2002 |
| 10:31 pm |
4 hours of sleep and band can kill a person..or just damage them a tad.lol it was crazy. they used the doc. beat for ensemble and b/c pit was right in front of it we could hear it very veryy clearly.lol..so i could feel the pulse smashing into my brain..it was crazy..i almost wanted to raise my hand and ask 'will you pay for my health care later on when i'm in a vegetative state from the sound waves?'..lol.. so simon asked if he were in the live journal and i said no..but i guess now he is..hahaa!!!! i'm tiredddddddddddddddddddd Current Mood: sleepy |
| 9:38 am |
got like 4 hours of sleep..a nap really..anyway...i'm sitting here with my jamba juice...neal is having fun annoying me.haha. anyway....talked to cinda last night. she's all excited over college. must be fun. i can't wait until that is me. i've been thinkign a lot the band thing. i really wnat to get it started...so dan! and dan! and leon! let's get going...ahh Current Mood: tired |
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